if there's a place for [us] that love has kept protected - New Hot Fuzz fic: "A Thousand Miles" - Nicholas/Danny - R [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
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New Hot Fuzz fic: "A Thousand Miles" - Nicholas/Danny - R [Dec. 1st, 2008|02:27 am]
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Title: A Thousand Miles
Fandom: Hot Fuzz
Pairing: Nicholas/Danny
Rating: R
Notes: After two over-10k-word hauls, my mind's slowly recovering. I've had The Proclaimers' "I'm Gonna Be" in my head for days on end, and I realized a couple days ago that I would desperately love to see a Hot Fuzz fanvid to the song. As tied up as it is in Benny & Joon, there's something weirdly perfect about it in the case of Nicholas and Danny. This story premise is the fusion of an early one that I didn't write and a breath of fresh imagery that's come of listening to the song.
Summary: Distances aren't always a means of separation.


When I Wake Up


From start to finish, he could have sworn that Nicholas's hand had always been in his.

Most of what had happened was foggy, of course. He remembers making a split-second decision that in everybody else's eyes had doubtless looked really fucking stupid, but in Danny's mind, there had never been any doubt. If it had come to it, he'd have taken worse than a bullet for Nicholas, although, in the foggy blackness, he can't seem to fathom what that would've been. A knife in the hand, he reckons.

It's not that he's been out all this time, not in the strictest sense. He's sure he remembers bits of the ambulance ride, and he's sure he remembers being wheeled down a long, noisy hallway full of irritated-looking NHS staff. And he's also sure he remembers Nicholas's voice somewhere nearby the entire bloody time. He doesn't know at what point they made him go away, if they made him go away at all. They must've, though. Nicholas was hurt, too. Left upper-arm cut or shot, not sure which.

Still, in the warm, drugged darkness, there is always the sense that someone has got hold of his hand, and that someone is comforting and real and familiar. Whether it's been hours or days, Danny can only be certain that he's in a hospital room now, pale and sterile and low-lit, and there is, in fact, somebody stroking the back of his right hand and telling him, just like before, that he's going to be all right. As for his left hand, it feels tingly and tight on account of the needle that's stuck in the back of it. Bizarrely, he remembers that. He remembers the drip and the hazy dark descending as the nurse with the scared face counted back 5-4-3-2...

He hadn't even made it to one. That was some strong shit. To his surprise, he's saying this aloud, and suddenly his eyes are drifting open as swiftly as they'd drifted shut.

"I'd have been worried if it wasn't," Nicholas admits somewhere off to his right, sounding relieved enough to cry. Danny turns his head and manages a smile, although he feels nauseous and Nicholas is ready with a plastic basin anyway.

And, as sure as anything, he's still got hold of Danny's hand.



Drunk Next to You


It's annoying when the evening gets to this point, although it hasn't got there in quite some time on account of his strictly-enforced recovery. The NHS twats couldn't have found a better warden, either, as Nicholas had taken their word to be the letter of the law. Danny realizes that he's lucky to be out of the house, let alone drinking beer.

Nicholas is beside him, of course, but not holding his hand. Which is moderately annoying, but probably only because he's grown so used to it. Nicholas is also back on cranberry juice, because he's afraid Danny will get drunk, fall down, and hurt himself. He'd put it a lot more politely than that, of course, but that's exactly what it had translated to: Danny, those drugs make you one clumsy fucker.

Danny waves to the girl at the bar. She's not Mary, but she's got all their signals down.

"No," says Nicholas, touching Danny's arm, which is close to his hand, but not quite.

"S'only my third," Danny protests, trying to tug his arm back so that Nicholas's hand slides down to his. It doesn't quite work. Nicholas's fingers tighten in a vise-grip, which means his arm isn't going sodding anywhere. "Can't hurt."

"No," Nicholas says again, this time to the girl at the bar, who looks confused.

"S'not fair," Danny mutters. "You're on four!"

"Cranberry juice," Nicholas reminds him, speaking rather more deliberately than he ought, "is non-alcoholic. Lager, on the other hand, isn't, and it's getting you pissed faster than usual because your tolerance is down. Any questions?"

Danny glares at Nicholas's hand, which is still stuck somewhere just above his wrist.



When I'm Working


It's not much better when they're on patrol, either. Danny had thought he'd be glad to get back to business as usual, but the truth is that he feels restless and even kind of lost when Nicholas isn't beside him. Which isn't many hours out of the day, to be fair, and often isn't many hours out of the night, either. Much more abuse by way of nearly double the dead-weight film comas and his couch is going to snuff it.

Around the station, it hadn't been much different. It was hard to let Nicholas out of his sight, although, if Danny thought about it, Nicholas very rarely let him out of his sight, so it all balanced out in the end. Nicholas's new office smelled like carpet and had more comfortable chairs than the rest of the temporary station. Danny enjoys sitting across the desk from him, demonstrating the art of creating a flip-book effect. When Nicholas isn't on the phone looking all stern, he actually seems to be paying attention. Danny has caught him doodling on scrap paper when he thinks nobody is looking.

They've been driving in circles for hours, it feels like, without so much as a peep from the station. Doris and everybody else must've buggered off down the pub to enjoy lunch without them. Danny's not so surprised to be saying that aloud.

"Probably," says Nicholas, grimly. "We could stop and grab sandwiches, if you like?"

"Nah," Danny replies, his arm dangling forlornly out the window. "Not hungry yet."



If I Grow Old


Nights when Danny is alone, he's usually drunk and it goes something like this.

He tries to watch a film, but he invariably realizes about three beers in that he's seen it more times than that and he already knows where it's going. He'd never realized that what made them exciting in the re-watching was actually gauging Nicholas's reactions, as staid or disapproving as they frequently were. At which point, he usually hits pause and goes to fetch another beer, at which point he runs into something, swears, and wonders if Nicholas's fears about his being a clumsy fuck weren't so far off the mark. He's not on the drugs anymore, though. Hasn't been for weeks.

He also tries to call Nicholas once the film is over, but some combination of reduced coordination and mortal fear of waking Nicholas and facing his wrath at having been awakened always manages to prevent him from succeeding. Still, drunk-dialing is better than drunk driving. That's what he'll tell Nicholas when he finally manages to punch in the number without any errors or hesitation, and maybe it'll keep him from getting mad. Maybe it'll even make him laugh.

The thought of Nicholas laughing in the middle of the night is a sobering one.

So Danny continues his failed attempts at ringing Nicholas to tell him that the film just wasn't the same without him and his disapproving noises and his flummoxed expressions when the dialogue gets really, painfully stupid. Even Danny can tell bad screenwriting from good, although he wonders if Nicholas actually knows that. He attempts dialing with more force this time, as it's suddenly vital that he tell Nicholas, the presumptuous fucker, that he bloody well knows the difference.

And it's suddenly very, very plain that he's succeeded. Nicholas is alert on the other end of the line, even a little bit afraid. Briefly, Danny wonders what he's done, but he knows the answer is that he's afraid he'll grow old like this, alone on his couch in the dark night after endless night when Nicholas is finally gone.

"'S just me," he says, after which point he struggles for words. "I couldn't sleep."

"I'll come over," Nicholas replies, and, like that, the line's gone dead.

Danny's hand is shaking so badly that he can't get the phone back in the cradle.



When I'm Dreaming


There's no way he's awake, and here's why.

Nicholas's hand, which had been on the couch cushion not far from Danny's, is now on Danny's shoulder as he leans in close and asks if Danny is certain, absolutely certain, he's all right. Danny finds that he's frozen, can't nod or shake his head in one direction or the other. He's not sick or sore, not anymore, but he's terrified.

"Danny?" asks Nicholas, soft and imploring, and that's when Danny realizes Nicholas's hand is now against his cheek and oh, God, he'd felt that before, too, he was sure of it. Somewhere back there, in the darkness, which had not even been as warm as this.

There's no way he's awake, because he's kissing Nicholas Angel.

And Nicholas Angel is kissing him back, hard and hungry, but also with astonishing tenderness. Nicholas's hand is at the nape of Danny's neck now, and it's only when he realizes that Nicholas's fingers are trembling that he finds the courage to take Nicholas's other hand and soothe it into stillness against his racing heart.

"Are you all right?"

It takes Nicholas a while to answer, but when he does, it's by wrapping his hand around Danny's and pressing it closer against the swift rise and fall of his chest.

And this, Danny knows, translates to yes.



Home With You


Most of what had happened, thank God, was not foggy.

They'd kissed some more, awkwardly, at which point he'd mumbled something about the bed being just that way and a lot more comfy than the couch. Nicholas had just nodded at him, looking as scared as he'd sounded on the phone, at which point it became clear to Danny that it was fortunate he was mildly buzzed, which meant his inhibitions were still sufficiently down and his coordination by now sufficiently up to transfer them that way without smacking into anything. Brilliant. He'd done it.

And for all that Doris had always sagely warned him that drunken hook-ups were worth their weight in grief, he couldn't imagine regretting the way that Nicholas felt folded against him, stunned breathless in the aftermath. He couldn't remember life before these kisses, and he couldn't fathom not falling asleep to Nicholas's slow, steady breathing in the warm hush of this new darkness. They'd done it.

And no matter how many more miles he had to cross, he'd gladly do it all over again just to wake up, like this, with Nicholas's hand already and always in his.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: sarahsan
2008-12-01 03:19 am (UTC)

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I have never heard that song. Clearly I'm going to have to rectify this.

Absolutely stunningly beautiful. That's really all I can say. ...the way Nicholas felt folded against him, stunned breathless in the aftermath may just be the most gorgeous line of prose I've ever read, overdramatic as I'm sure that must sound. ^_^;;
[User Picture]From: irisbleufic
2008-12-01 10:36 pm (UTC)

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I'm curiously fond of the song, although I know a lot of people find it irritating. And it's on the soundtrack for Benny & Joon, which is one of the most adorably amazing movies ever :)

Thank you!
[User Picture]From: speccygeekgrrl
2008-12-01 03:22 am (UTC)

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How did you take such an annoying song and translate it into something so wonderful?

Your Hot Fuzz fic always leaves me with the good kind of ache in my heart. ♥
[User Picture]From: irisbleufic
2008-12-01 10:39 pm (UTC)

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It's annoying when it becomes an earworm, true, but in the grander scheme of things, I confess to being quite fond of it *g*

Thank you; I'm glad you liked this. I decided to start writing at about two in the morning, which might have boded ill, heaven knows...
[User Picture]From: bakaknight
2008-12-01 03:28 am (UTC)

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CURSES! I now have that song in my head, and it is OFFICIALLY your fault.
[User Picture]From: irisbleufic
2008-12-01 10:40 pm (UTC)

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Oh, I'm sorry - especially if you find the song annoying!
[User Picture]From: bakaknight
2008-12-01 10:41 pm (UTC)

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What? Oh, no, I love it. But now it's in my head.
[User Picture]From: irisbleufic
2008-12-01 10:42 pm (UTC)

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Oh, whew. Because it seems to me a lot of people find it vaguely annoying *wry grin*
[User Picture]From: sarren
2008-12-01 04:03 am (UTC)

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Simply gorgeous. *hugs fic*
[User Picture]From: irisbleufic
2008-12-01 10:40 pm (UTC)

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As is your icon, and I don't even know who they are! Thank you :)
[User Picture]From: hoskie
2008-12-01 07:01 am (UTC)

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This was a BRILLIANT fic. :3
[User Picture]From: irisbleufic
2008-12-01 10:41 pm (UTC)

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I'm glad you liked it so much - thank you!
[User Picture]From: candesgirl
2008-12-01 07:13 am (UTC)

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I actually love that song! And this fic! Great job : )
[User Picture]From: irisbleufic
2008-12-01 10:41 pm (UTC)

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I love it, too. And thanks!
[User Picture]From: tawg
2008-12-01 11:12 pm (UTC)

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I do like your fics. That is probably one blindingly obvious statement, but there's something in the way you write Nicholas and Danny that feels so comfortable, even in insecurity. When I'm reading I can almost feel the body heat being radiated from one of them and being soaked up by the other.
[User Picture]From: irisbleufic
2008-12-01 11:47 pm (UTC)

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Interesting you should say that, because writing for me is a very physical process - i.e., I can't start a story until it prickles my skin and makes me squirm. Until I'm dreaming it in those half-waking hours when dawn creeps through the curtains. Until it stops me in the street and I have to catch my breath because it feels so real I can't...*inarticulate gesture* Fever. Sickness. I feel ill until I get the text out of my skin. That probably sounds really mad, doesn't it?

Thanks once again for reading; it's always a pleasure to hear from you!
[User Picture]From: tawg
2008-12-02 04:07 am (UTC)

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That probably sounds really mad, doesn't it?
The authorities have been noted, and they're coming to get you :p
[User Picture]From: irisbleufic
2008-12-02 10:35 am (UTC)

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It's probably about time.

(I'm a slasher; I must be stopped?)
[User Picture]From: big_twinkie
2008-12-02 01:04 am (UTC)

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your writing style is sublime.
[User Picture]From: irisbleufic
2008-12-02 10:36 am (UTC)

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*blush* Thanks. And your icon is completely hilarious. I know it's probably mean to laugh at shelled critters that get flipped over, but I really can't help it...
[User Picture]From: miss_morland
2008-12-02 03:57 pm (UTC)

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Once again, very touching and heart-warming. I normally find song fics annoying, abut this one feels like a set of drabbles that fit together into a cohesive whole, where the lyrics play an actual, important part. If that makes sense.

Anyway, lovely work. &hearts
[User Picture]From: irisbleufic
2008-12-02 04:42 pm (UTC)

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I find most song-fic annoying, too, which is why you won't see me do it terribly often! The feeling in this case, though, it stuck around for several days and the only way I was going to chase it off was to try it. I'm kind of pleased!

Thank you :)
[User Picture]From: ladyoflisquill
2008-12-02 07:01 pm (UTC)

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Firstly, Hot Fuzz fic OMG YAY!

Secondly, "he's afraid he'll grow old like this, alone on his couch in the dark night after endless night when Nicholas is finally gone"...

::blinks:::

How can you just write a line like that and rip the heart right out of me? ::sniffle:: It's okay, the ending made it all better.

Wonderful fic.
[User Picture]From: irisbleufic
2008-12-02 07:06 pm (UTC)

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(There are at least five or six other stories on this LJ - go to town if you like!)

I'm glad you enjoyed this so much. I feel like, a few months after seeing the film for the first time, I'm starting to really settle into these guys. And I felt like a right moron for not having seen it until September, as you can imagine. It's such a wonderful film.

Thank you very much <3
[User Picture]From: ladyoflisquill
2008-12-02 07:46 pm (UTC)

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Oh I'll def check out the others. I love Frost & Pegg and anything they do. This movie was so much about the action and the bromance for me. I saw it twice in the cinema but never saw fic for it anywhere (granted I didn't look too hard).

This was lovely, heartfelt and so well written.
[User Picture]From: irisbleufic
2008-12-02 07:56 pm (UTC)

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I saw Shaun of the Dead for the first time only recently, too. I didn't like it as much as I liked HF, though. I'm really looking forward to the third film, whatever it's going to be!
[User Picture]From: ladyoflisquill
2008-12-02 08:13 pm (UTC)

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Well I'm a Zombie movie lover so Shaun was kinda like chocolate to me. But HF def took teh pair and turned them up to 11.
[User Picture]From: irisbleufic
2008-12-02 08:58 pm (UTC)

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I read a review of Hot Fuzz somewhere that makes the in-passing remark that Nicholas and Danny come off as nothing so much as "a cute couple falling in love." It's so true, really, whether you choose to read it as platonic or romantic!
[User Picture]From: sirenwater
2008-12-03 04:14 am (UTC)

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Ee, this was wonderful. Perfectly Danny, perfectly Nicholas... and the perfect combination of angst and fluff, too. :) I'll be memming this!

Oh, and that is a great song for them. Never would have associated it myself, but... now that you've mentioned it, I could DEFINITELY see it.
[User Picture]From: irisbleufic
2008-12-03 10:12 am (UTC)

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It was quite random, to be honest! I started out thinking of the song in the Benny & Joon soundtrack and then suddenly my brain shifted the visuals over to HF and I was like...what? Huh!

Thank you for reading; I'm pleased you enjoyed it so much. There are about 5-6 other HF stories on this journal, so if you'd like to lurk around and read more, by all means, feel free. Welcome! I'm thinking you're a new face, but I might have seen you before.
[User Picture]From: random_nexus
2008-12-09 08:35 pm (UTC)

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Squeeee!

I know the song (and love it) and it's absolutely marvy how you've done this(these?) and I just am smiling like crazy with warm fuzzies.

Absolutely well done!
[User Picture]From: irisbleufic
2008-12-09 08:38 pm (UTC)

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I adore the song, too (and the film for which it's on the soundtrack - Benny & Joon, have you ever seen it?) There's something very joyful and reassuring about it, even if some of the lyrics are kind of pessimistic. It's reality, I guess. If you're devoting yourself to somebody, you're going to take it all!

Thank you very much. I'm pleased you're enjoying these :)
[User Picture]From: soul_bonnie
2008-12-25 06:08 pm (UTC)

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My God, this is perfect!! I actually almost fainted while reading it, that's how touched I was. :) You totally rock.
[User Picture]From: irisbleufic
2008-12-25 06:10 pm (UTC)

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Oh, I'm so glad you enjoyed this - happy holidays! What a lovely piece of feedback to receive on Christmas Day :)
[User Picture]From: kahvi
2009-01-03 01:03 am (UTC)

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Your Hot Fuzz fic is simply amazing; I've been reading through them. I'm in awe.
[User Picture]From: irisbleufic
2009-01-03 08:21 am (UTC)

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I must have ten or twelve stories by this point; come to think of it, the stories I've written that aren't HF in the past few months are few and far in between! Thanks once again <3
[User Picture]From: midnightrevelry
2009-03-12 03:56 am (UTC)

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Oh, this was just incredibly beautiful. It flows so well, and it's just--perfect. I would be more specific, but it feels impossible right now--it was all just so good. Thank you for sharing it.

I've added it to my personal recs list here: khi_recs.
[User Picture]From: irisbleufic
2009-03-12 08:59 am (UTC)

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Oh - many thanks for the rec! I'm flattered :) And I'm glad you enjoyed this so much; as a concept, it could have gone badly, but I'm grateful I tried it nonetheless.
[User Picture]From: wyvernwolf
2009-04-26 08:35 pm (UTC)

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That was superb. It had a beautifully unhurried flow to it (if that makes sense) and a great combo of angst and fluff. Reading this was a pleasure.
[User Picture]From: irisbleufic
2009-04-27 07:58 am (UTC)

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Thank you! I have a real soft spot for that song, and Nick and Danny seem like the kind of sweet, misfit, absolutely determined couple that live up to the truth of it.
[User Picture]From: sheerpoetry
2009-10-22 03:20 pm (UTC)

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Aww! I adore this song and "Benny & Joon," but this? It's fabulous and beautifully perfect!
I think "If I grow old" might be my favorite section. :)
[User Picture]From: irisbleufic
2009-10-22 03:28 pm (UTC)

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B&J has been one of my other favorite films for years. I think I see HF as being a similar sort of romance, actually: both parties are incredibly eccentric in one way or another, if not in more ways than one, and they meet under rather odd/exceptional circumstances.

Thanks once again!
[User Picture]From: charie_caphine
2010-05-26 02:39 am (UTC)

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Spent the day reading your Hot Fuzz stories, and there still are a few left, I think. Anyway, this one's the best! They are all wonderful, though, but there's just something so perfectly smooth and worm about this particular one. Or maybe I've finally gone on the overload of cuteness from all this lovely HF ficcage of yours and had to comment. Been sitting here squeaking and mildly jumping up and down from the unbelievable loveliness. Great stories.
[User Picture]From: irisbleufic
2010-05-26 06:57 am (UTC)

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I feel like I'm far overdue for a re-watch of this film, even though I confess to probably having watched it at least every couple months since I discovered it. There aren't many films out there that always make me feel better, but this is one of them. I'm glad you're enjoying the stories so much, thanks <3
[User Picture]From: day221b
2011-02-12 04:25 pm (UTC)

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You blow me away, you really do. That was inspired.
[User Picture]From: irisbleufic
2011-02-12 04:26 pm (UTC)

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I've been guilty of song-based fic far more often in Hot Fuzz than in any other fandom. The film soundtrack is so memorable that I think it's almost second-nature to set them to music. Thank you :)
[User Picture]From: niektete
2012-03-30 09:18 pm (UTC)

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Your fic > even Cornettos.
[User Picture]From: irisbleufic
2012-03-30 10:26 pm (UTC)

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Aw *blush* Thank you! As Cornettos go, I can't seem to find the mint ones. Very frustrating!