Gorgeous and insightful. I also find that split second pause fascinating - in fact that whole scene is one of my favorites: John shooting the cabbie, Sherlock's darker side coming out as he tortures an answer out of the dying man, the look on Sherlock's face as he was about to take the pill... Anyway. Beautifully done, as usual. /thumbs up
I haven't done much prose poetry/spoken-word influenced work, so I thought I'd give it a try. I've always had a thing for second-person narrative, although I save it only for somewhat unusual circumstances. Glad to hear this works for you; thanks for reading!
This is wonderful- very lyrical, and somehow fragmented and ordered at the same time. Great insight into John as a character. I love the idea that this all went through his head in the split second before he let go of the trigger. The last line is perfect.
I wanted to attempt what's essentially a piece of prose poetry for this entry, and it seems to have worked out well. I'd very much love to know what was going through John's head in that moment. Thank you for reading!
I enjoyed this very much.
Anyone who knows my poetry background will have guessed it in a heartbeat, I think! I wanted to attempt a piece of prose poetry, which is something I've done next to never (maybe only two or three times before). This wasn't so much writing verse in paragraph form, though; it felt almost more like crafting a spoken word piece (something at which I've never particularly excelled). The internal and slant-rhymes are quite intentional, and I hope not overkill. I would never have gone that far in my usual structured verse. All in all, though, I think I'm pleased with it :)
Brilliant and insightful, as always. *applauds*
Very glad you enjoyed it - thank you! :)
Gorgeous prose poem. So very, very precise.
You do realise, that I'm going to be required to beg, plead, offer bribes for,(and possibly just write,) the bookend piece that is waiting to happen for TGG from Sherlock's POV?
This is unbelievably, in every beat of it, *JOHN*
"You once dreamed that what the heart knows is the only thing that the body will never forget," kills me. <3 <3 <3
A prose poem was exactly what I was attempting; I've done it so rarely, and although I've never been good at letting spoken-word style influence my writing, it seems to have done a little bit here (a lot of my friends do spoken word and are very good at it).
Your asking for a Sherlock equivalent is brilliant and only proper. I'll get on it!
Thank you <3
Really brilliant. It's *so* John. Great job!
Prose poetry was something of a risk, I thought, especially given the viewpoint - but I'm relieved it seems to have worked! Thank you very much :)
... oh my gosh. You are so incredible. When I read the entries, this was the first one I immediately knew was one of the top three.
You don't know him, but you'll come to. You don't trust him, not yet, but that's fine. It's taken so little to bring you here: a devastating smile, an understated wink, and the slightest hint of marvellous things (more promised than implied). The skull's on the mantel and the bread's in the bin, but you've no idea how much trouble you're really in. Set-ups like this one don't come with fair warning.
This is my absolute favourite part.
You are... beyond incredible.
As I said to someone above - anyone who knows my poetry background probably guessed which was mine pretty easily! Prose poetry's always highly experimental for me, though, because I normally write more structured verse. I'm so glad you enjoyed this *hugs* Thank you for reading; it's rather odd in comparison to what I normally write. I was prepared for a lot of people to say it didn't quite work, but then it went and took first place in the challenge. I was startled, to say the least! Life's no fun without the occasional wacky risk, though.
The skull's on the mantel and the bread's in the bin, but you've no idea how much trouble you're really in. Set-ups like this one don't come with fair warning.
Oh, I like this, says she inarticulately. The little rhymes that drag you onwards.
Oh, the dragging effect: somebody felt it! *dances* That really was the hook, trying to execute that inexorable pull. I wasn't certain I'd done it. In fact, I was more than prepared for a load of people to say WTF is that? It doesn't work.
Thank you very much <3
GAH. Loved this then, love it even more on rereading (it calls for rereading over and over again b/c it's so subtly done).
It's taken so little to bring you here: a devastating smile, an understated wink, and the slightest hint of marvellous things (more promised than implied). The skull's on the mantel and the bread's in the bin, but you've no idea how much trouble you're really in.
Muscle memory... oh, yes. And he feels alive again. Sherlock's only begun to realize what he's found in John.
Beautifully done, as always.
Instinct behaves kind of like memory, a sort of prescience - I was reading an article on a study that was done in the US that has strange implications for the way our emotions lead us to make snap judgments which are usually right; the implication of the study, which was conducted by a quantum physicist (IIRC), is that our emotions quite possibly travel forward in time and sort of "bounce back" at us with information on the outcome of certain situations. Anyway, it sounded highly theoretical, but the concept alone was enough to intrigue me.
Thank you for reading, as always!
Quite beautiful. The scatterings of pure poetry, lines that scan, the rhymes -- brilliant!
Prose poetry was an odd decision here, I felt, but I'm glad it seems to have pleased so many people! Thank you for reading :)
Oh, I can see how crafting something like this would take so long...each phrase has such impact, and says so much without being superfluous. Gorgeous work.
Expanding it from 230 words to 500 words took something like an hour and a half: that's unheard of, me spending that long on a piece so short! And the 230-word version took about 45 minutes in its own right, initially, so I'd say a good three hours went into this. In three hours, I'd normally clear a few thousand words if I were writing normal prose.
Glad you enjoyed it - thank you!
So fantastic and intense!
Thank you very much! I was prepared for a lot of funny looks over this, even people saying it doesn't really work. I like it when what I expect will be a flop turns out to be a success :)
Nice name change there. ;)
Oh, wow, but this. I love all the little slips of poetry--it seems accidental, but rather pointed.
There's no shame in shielding his spark for the meaning yours has yet to find.
This line got me, especially. You can tell there's just so much between them.
Name change? Am I missing something?
The poetry slips are anything but accidental: I set out to write a second-person prose poem. I wasn't convinced I'd succeeded, especially given both versions took a ridiculously long time for as short as the piece is.
Thank you *hugs*
*blushes* Thank you so much; as I've been saying, prose poetry was a weird decision, and I was fully prepared to accept the consequences (i.e. I expected people to say it just doesn't work). Quite the opposite; it seems to have worked quite well. I'm glad you enjoyed it - thank you!